Drifting away from your partner and not being able to connect with them is something that every couple experiences after a while. Although normal, it’s important that you don’t let the drift between the two of you deepen. 

As soon as you notice that you and your partner aren’t really as intimate and close as before, you should take action to remedy the situation. This can be somewhat difficult. After all, we’re all inclined to create routines in our lives that we feel comfortable with. But letting your relationship sink into a routine can also mean letting your sex life become dull and lifeless. 

To prevent that from happening, you need to ensure that you’re engaging and connecting with your partner. Here’s how you can do that.

Don’t Be Afraid to Say What You Want

Communication is one of the most vital aspects of the relationship. The rule of “see something, say something” is just as useful in an intimate relationship as it is in life. 

If you notice that your partner isn’t as intimate with you or that you have needs and desires that aren’t being met, you need to speak up. Be mindful of phrasing, though; you don’t want to make it seem as though you’re accusing your partner of neglecting you. 

But Also Listen to Them

So, let’s say that the inevitable happened. You did notice that your relationship and sex life aren’t what they used to be. Well, chances are, so did your partner. Therefore, when you initiate a conversation about it, you have to be willing to listen to their side as well. Most likely, they also have some needs and desires they want to voice, and you should give them the safe space to do so.

Understand That Things Change

Relationships evolve over time. If you’ve been with your partner for a while now, you probably noticed that things aren’t as they were before. That’s because there’s no novelty or excitement of the unknown anymore. However, that doesn’t have to mean that life will forever be dull from now on.

Still, you do have to understand and accept that relationships (and, in turn, sex preferences and habits) change over time. You no longer have the same energy levels or the time you once had. What’s more, you might like something different now or dislike some stuff you enjoyed in the past. 

It’s normal for things to change and for that adrenalin-fueled rush to die down a bit. However, if you still have the will, then you can still make your sex life exciting. 

Initiate Sex

A massive part of “being in the mood” is feeling desired. If you know that your partner is insanely attracted to you and wants you pretty much all the time, you’ll be more inclined to make time for sex. 

That’s why it’s important that you both initiate sex frequently (or at least from time to time). Initiating sex shows your partner that you still desire them, which boosts not only their confidence but also their sex drive.

If You Don’t Have the Time, Find It

Do you remember that blissful period of your life when you were a teenager and a young adult, and you wanted to have sex all the time? Things have changed since then, right? Everyday life, which includes a whole list of obligations, kind of interferes with your desire and ability to have sex anytime and anywhere.

This is normal. 

However, you can’t use the “I don’t have the time” excuse every day. If you don’t have the time, you need to make it. If necessary, you and your partner can even schedule date nights and sexy times. It might sound too clinical and sterile, but scheduling time that you’ll spend together can ensure that it actually happens and doesn’t get swept aside by other “more important” daily obligations.

And If You Don’t Have the Means, Make Them

If your libido isn’t operating as it once was, you can still satisfy your partner (and yourself). Incorporating little helpers such as sex toys into the bedroom can be the move that saves your sex life.

Using sex toys to make things more exciting and trying something new with your partner can breathe life back into your relationship. Not to mention that aside from being extremely pleasurable, sex toys can also help you in other ways. 

For example, if you’re having trouble getting or maintaining an erection, you can try using a sex aid like a penis pump. Penis pumps are a great way to ensure that your member doesn’t fail you (or your partner). They are a fun and effective way to get your soldier to stand at attention and complete the assignment.

It’s vital that you don’t look at sex toys as something that will replace you in the bedroom. Instead, look at them as a tool that will ensure both you and your partner have the time of your life while trying out something new.

Build Up Your Intimacy

Having sex is sometimes a dirty deed where you race to the finish line as quickly as you can. However, it can’t always be just that. Instead, you should try to make your sexual encounters more about intimacy than orgasms.

Prioritizing intimacy over sex can make both you and your partner relax more and enjoy each other. Focusing on the sex can be kind of overwhelming for both parties. And, if you haven’t had sex in a while, that pressure can cause performance anxiety. 

So, instead of trying hard to have sex at all cost, initiate some love time. Hug, kiss, share intimate stories, massage each other, and talk about your desires and expectations. It will do wonders for your relationship.

Foreplay Is Vital

Of course, if you are to have sex, don’t forget that foreplay is essential. Don’t skip it, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve been intimate with your partner. 

Foreplay does so much more than ensure that both partners are physically ready for sex. It also builds up anticipation and excitement. That’s especially important if your sex life has gotten somewhat stale. Not skipping foreplay gives you the chance to reacquaint yourself with your partner’s body, and to give them the attention they deserve.

Keeping things fresh in a long-term relationship may seem like a daunting task. Building up the intimacy and connection that you once had with your partner is hard, but it’s not impossible. If you keep communicating your needs and desires with your partner and have regular check-ins, your sex life is bound to flourish. So don’t be afraid to take the initiative and start having some tough conversations.


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