From arguing about how much to pay for a vacation to hiding credit card debt from a spouse, it’s common for money woes to wreak havoc on relationships. Here’s how money problems kill marriages, along with some tips for getting, and staying, on the same financial page.
The Issue
It’s actually quite common: in nearly every other way, you and your spouse are compatible. However, when it comes to money, you’re not alike at all. Perhaps one of you budgets, keeps up with monthly bills, and saves for the future. Meanwhile, the other spends impulsively and is careless when it comes to bills.
Such dissimilarities can cause real relational problems. In fact, research shows one in seven U.S. residents is thought to have nixed a relationship over money concerns. And, 70% of married couples fight about money more than anything else.
The Root of Money Issues
Sometimes people differ because of their backgrounds. Perhaps you come from a family that lived below its means, while your spouse is from a household that tended to spend extravagantly, and frequently found itself in trouble.
For other marriages, the issue is a lack of early communication about money. While money be difficult to discuss – few people enjoy doing so – it’s important to know your significant other’s financial background from the start.
Common money mistakes include:
- Too much or too little spending. One spends too much; the other is particularly frugal. To help counter such differences, the couple can agree to save a certain amount weekly or monthly.
- Concealing debt. If one spouse is racking up debt and hiding it, that’s a recipe for future disaster, as is opening credit card accounts unbeknownst to the husband or wife. Early in the relationship, have a candid conversation about financial obligations.
- Secretly stashing cash. At first, it may not seem like such a big deal: keeping a savings account or a “rainy day fund” without the spouse’s knowledge. That could cause trust and other issues if the other person finds out. It’s a common situation, though: a 2018 National Endowment for Financial Education study found that two of every five couples had a spouse who admitted lying about money.
Keeping Couples on the Same Page
There are steps you can take to make sure you and your spouse stay on the same financial course:
- Meet with a counselor. Experts recommend doing this early on so that couples can go over their financial backstories and understand where the other is coming from. Couples may even want to go over each other’s credit reports to see where their partner stands financially so they aren’t surprised down the line.
- Have regular “dates” to go over finances and short- and long-term goals.
- Show patience and compassion toward your spouse as the two of you work to get on the same page.
- Boost income. While bringing in more money doesn’t solve spending problems, it can help reduce tensions around making ends meet.
- Create positive associations. Once the two of you have established a financial plan and can see progress, you might even begin to enjoy your discussions about money. Talks about finances would cease to be sources of stress.
Knowing how money problems kill marriages positions you to ease or eradicate them. One more thing, you might want to pursue a professional solution such as debt settlement in situations in which the debt problems are acute.
